New York State of Mind

So have you ever wondered why you were born and raised where you are? Well we all know the obvious, Mom meets Dad etc. I always wondered what made someone be from New York or even Ireland. Yea it isn’t rocket science. Have you ever felt like you don’t belong in you’re country or even city of birth?

I am a New Yorker, born and raised. I really don’t feel like the typical New Yorker though. Sure I grew up in public housing but it was not in a bad neighborhood. I have never seen a shoot out or anyone die in front of me. I have never seen a gun close up thank god unless it was one that a city cop had. The closest I came to crime was going to Bayridge Brooklyn on the R train when I was a teen. I saw a lady sitting across from my sister and I eating a bag of skittles. She had a chain around her neck. Somewhere in Brooklyn this man gets off right before he does he rips the chain off this ladies neck and leaves. She was too in shock. She held onto her neck with disbelief. I too was like oh my god! Yea New York isn’t that bad but people assume it can be. It really isn’t. I love living here. I don’t go to Times Square on New Years or visit the Statue of Liberty or anything like that. We just don’t get the time like that. Sometimes I want to but the pace that tourist walks and how we walk, we just want to get to where we are going.

I love being able to come home from my job late at night on the city bus and being able to stop into a 24 hour stores. Sure most places have them but you drive to them. My favorite is the bodegas. I would miss them if I moved. The best place to get lotto tickets and chips and the news paper under one roof. I am not one of those tough girls with the street mouth. I am basically quiet and keep to myself. There really isn’t one person to even compare anyone too. New York is filled with an assortment of people. The working class, the preppies, the college kids, you know where I am coming from. I always felt like I belonged in a state like Montana. Who knows why I think that. I think I belong in a smaller state. I often wondered if things were different would I be living in a home and have a license and have things like that. I guess you can’t really say that. Things could be much worse than I make it sound.

I hate the way the cost of living is up the wazoo. How people just come here and get places. How you have to lie to get anything decent. People that work for the city agencies have the worst attitudes and they just basically sit there doing nothing while you wait. No one should have to live in a shelter. Its just disturbing. Why is rent so ridiculous!

So nothing really is keeping me here but my mother. She has no one else but me. I tried to move elsewhere seven years ago that didn’t work out very well. I know I could very well move and go to Montana or California or anywhere like that. I could start fresh with new friends a a new job a new address. I think I will give myself a year or two more here to clearly make that decision. I love my city and all it has to offer but it has been a rough journey!

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