Crushes

I had my first crush at age four. I told my mother I was marrying David. I can’t even remember what he looked like.. Lol. In second grade crush number two. I would crush on him until 6th grade. I sat next to him in many classes. Either because of last names, his started with an “A” mine with a “C”, or height. We both were around the same height. I could talk with him etc. I secretly pined for the guy. Not in the “Hey Arnold” way that Helga did but I had hoped he would notice me.
We all went to middle school in seventh grade. My crush dated the class whore. That was it my heart was on the floor in pieces. So I never thought of him again like that. I spent middle school hating it but didn’t gain a crush either.
High school I didn’t find any cuties either. Just a bunch of annoying teen boys. I would go on to date two guys in my senior year but none the crush wow factor.
So why would it take me until last year to develop a crush again. I’ve met tons of guys who had it going on but no one made me feel this way. Last year this guy Jay started working at my job. The first time I met him I did a double take. He seemed nice. He wasn’t the typical hottie that people look at. He had this nose that wasn’t perfect. I found out he did boxing growing up. I would get to talk to him every so often. By December when Danny and I broke up I actually discovered I had the crush. I paid no mind to me thinking about Jay. Then I noticed when Danny made me sad just seeing Jay walk around the job I lit up.
Girl I would say to myself “you’re in your mid thirties how are you crushing on this guy!” But it kept the days smooth and I was smiling. Funny towards the end of spring I would find out so much about my crush. He was 13 years younger than me. Looks damn more mature lol and he was going to enlist to do better for his wife and baby.. “Awwww” I thought. Thanks Jay for making me feel alive when I was feeling alone.
I’m glad I never ever told any guy I had a crush on how I felt. Well boy two i did end up randomly telling via Facebook message one day. He said why didn’t I ever tell him. I can’t see why it mattered. Pretty funny how the one day we went to eat and talk about growing up, crush two wants to see what he missed. He ended up kissing a dead fish because I don’t kiss attached men. All the while saying “I’ve never done this” I’m sure he hasn’t not! I went home but crush two wanted more still. I told crush two I don’t play those games.

I think life’s better that way.

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