Emotional Road lost

I’m tired, I’m spent. I am emotionally gone. I just can’t go on this way trying so hard at things. I want to give up today. Maybe that isn’t what I should do. Maybe it’s just the way I feel today. I feel the more I reach towards my goal, like a balloon floating along in the sky, the closer I get, it just flies away. All these inspirational quotes on how life should be, on how if people leave you, it was meant to be. You know what that maybe your thoughts on it. I really don’t want some people to leave. I wish they would stay forever. Why the hell do we meet people. For a season, I mean if that was the case put me a on  tv show! A reason, that reason was? So yea time is spent and days go by. Just like that poof it is gone. That to me is a bunch of pre loaded crap.

It took me years to be who I was. Even when walls came crashing down. When people tried to tear me apart and not be the person that I should be. I survived it. I made do. I came I saw I conquered. Now there are demons in my life pushing me to the core. Reality isn’t much there anymore. What do I see? What do I want? I want  to know when I lay my head down at night that there is something good to be woken up to in the morning. Not the pain that things can only get worse. 

I can’t read minds, I am not a psychic! I don’t know what you want. I hate what you have become when you tried to be something you’re not. I am caught in the cross fire. Being the martyr. Look at what I have become trying to save you. I have lost me. You have nothing in your soul but selfishness and cold heartedness. You don’t want to look at reality and see the true meaning of what you should do. You expect a different destiny. You expect that what you had you can’t be content with. You expect it will all change for you. When in fact what you had was what you should have been content with all along. You will never know how to be content anymore. As you keep looking for bigger and better things. Quantity not quality. 

I am a person torn in to pieces. There is no road left for me. I don’t know where to go. Where the fork in the road has it brought me to this dead end. I knew my path. It was clear from the get go. Now my path is blocked. Do I walk back. Do I walk back all the years. All that I had. Fuck climbing the mountain. 

I have lost my way….

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