Breaking down

Not trying to be lectured. I already knew breaking up would hurt. I stayed around lingering like the relationship before this one. Hoping that things would change. I know, emotional abuse keeps you there. Yes I knew better. I should have cut all ties and never looked back. I thought Danny was different. I stayed around I kept telling myself for the car I cosigned and the money he owed me. I know why I did because I loved him. Shoot we were still messing around once a month..

The worst pain ever to me is the fact that I tried so hard for nothing. I can’t dwell on it, it just hurts like a bitch right now. I can’t vent anywhere else. I am too old to rant about it on social media. I am too tired to look for a shoulder to cry on. I guess this is where I will say my piece. I know the next few days and months are going to hurt like hell.

Before I get into another relationship I swear I need to talk to a therapist I guess. To see if its me doing things wrong or what. I was talking to someone last week. Tonight I started bawling my eyes out for like two hours shaking. I was freaking out so much I could not breathe but I could not say much to him. He wants more than I can give right now. I said goodbye and let him kiss my forehead. I feel so damaged right now. I know I am a good person. I know my job isn’t the greatest. I know I don’t drive but I am learning. I know I don’t have a special hobby or know about special places around NYC. I don’t know what I did that I did it so wrong.

Oh well… its my own personal rant. Not looking for comments though.. I just needed to let it all out. I wish the hurt would just go away now..

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