Easing on

Good news is I guess time heals all wounds. I’m not all together healed but it really doesn’t hurt so much. I don’t come to tears easily as I used to.

I had kept the details of the end of this relationship hidden from close relatives for months even my own kids. I guess I felt I was protecting them from hurt. I could care less what people think about me or what they have to say on it all. Not everyone needs the exact details. I just hate disappointing my kids. So I assumed I was doing something better on their behalf. Well they know. They are ok but I think my one daughter is very hurt by Austin’s actions but I know she’ll be ok.

I find as days turn into weeks it gets better. I do miss spending time with him and hearing from him daily. But the social media break from each other and the outing and supposed end to his other relationship he was in I guess put this in perspective. Yea of course he doesn’t deserve any feelings from me but for now there are some. I have to remind myself that I was being used towards the end. So whom he actually cares for is her. I was just easy access to him. The girl who would yes him and do anything. Be a second mother to him. I was no longer his lover but someone he shared feelings for.

I tend to sometimes wonder about how the future could play out. I’m not thinking about us being a couple anymore. I always hated being the girl before the right one for someone. I wish we both could be happy but I wish he could change but why should I bother to care when he wouldn’t change for me. I did dodge a bullet. Sucks that I had to take a shot though.

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