Heartless

I sorta used to have feelings. I used to care about everything and everyone. Past several months I realized I can’t do that. Am I normal? Not even sure. Maybe it’s just the hurt.

A month ago I reconnected with B. I was using a check in app and I saw he had too. Messaged him, we met up. He wanted a life long partner to grow old with. What I got was spider fingers all over. That was the same day ironically that Austin proudly proclaimed he was in a two year relationship. I had found B early that morning though. I wasn’t feeling B like that. He didn’t draw out anything to me. I figured it’s Austin, I’m so used to him that I got him on my mind.

So a week later B wanted to see me. I was like ok but his car was in the shop I take the train out. Still didn’t feel like I had anything in common. B truly felt we had a connection. B truly wanted what was between my thighs too.. Smh. If you had wanted me I would think you would have taken me out and just talked not try to head to bed. I felt disappointed. Maybe B hasn’t had sex in ages. But either which way. I decided not to try.

I didn’t say much to B in the days since hi and such. I’m not going to chase down people. A little too addicted this guy was to checking in on Facebook and four square. So the last day I heard from him was the day after July 4th. Which he asked how I was. I wasn’t in any type of mood to be bothered. I never replied. A week later I get a text. I had deleted his number it was no longer saved. It said hi I’m in the hospital I had a stroke. He’s 45. I said omg I’m sorry. That’s all I knew to say. I feel a bit heartless though.

I don’t think I’m in the right point of my life to make long term decisions. Maybe now a days a number of guys thinks a connection means let’s get naked and do it. But no. I can’t start off that way.

Hope you recover soon B.. I’m sorry I’m not the girl for you.

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