Once again the sucker

I hate the feelings I have inside. They are so deep for someone that doesn’t love me. I went to bed late. It was morning, four to be exact when I finally fell asleep. I woke up on and off in the morning. My phone buzzed at 12:45pm, it’s Austin.

He’s wants to kill himself again. He talks to Annie again she rejects him he wants to die. I’m getting the spewing texts. I tell him he has to think about his family etc. I tried in vain to tell him he can’t he so much to live for. I’m a mess. He sends me a picture of a meat cleaver. My hearts so damn weak.

He starts again in the afternoon. This time I’m done. I’m replying with anger. I don’t wanna know about her, I don’t care if it’s about her. What about my hurt. I’m mentally drained. I feel horrible. I really hate him right now. I really do.

So I google this, why would my ex tell me he’s going to kill himself. I feel like the biggest fool. I love this asshole so much that I can’t ignore him. I feel if I do and he does die it’s my fault. But most of the times people just off themselves without advertising it. Mental abuse. He is playing victim and just like his pics last week he knows I’m gonna show interest. He will keep hurting my heart. I’m defeated.

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I wish I was as strong as I wish I could be. One day I won’t answer him back. Just like how I never looked back when I said bye to Charlie. I wish I could let him go.

I asked why was he telling me not Annie not his bestie in Florida etc why me. Why not your family. Why me. Isn’t emotional pain from one person to another enough?

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