Today was the funeral. I took my twin daughters and my best friend. We traveled the one and a half hours to the Bronx via the train. When we got off the train I passed the girl who dated Austin before me. First time I had seen her in person.

We walked towards the church. I wasn’t sure how I was going to be since I wasn’t exactly nice to him on Thursday. I signed my name on the sheet and I walked in. Out of the corner of my eye he was sitting talking to his current girlfriend or whatever they consider themselves. He stood up as soon as he saw me. She looked up too. We took a seat. He came up to all four of us. He expressed his gratitude. I told him I was sorry for arguing with him. He nodded. More people came in and more people. His other ex comes in and she really knew his father. She broke down by the casket. He consoled her. I can’t go near a casket like that it’s been a fear of mine. So I stayed in my seat. Before the service began Austin brings the chick up to a closer seat arm and arm. So she was in my eye sight but on the other side. She sat alone.

The service was beautiful. Words spoken made you think. I was crying so much. At times I couldn’t help it. I was so sad for the family. They really had a great father. His nieces and nephews sat a few pews ahead of me. I saw faces of those I knew also his aunt and uncle. His cousins. At the end of the service they let one final viewing. Since I only got to tell his sister and him that I was sorry, I hesitated at first to go up. I watched family members go up, his other ex went up. Annie actually stops her on the way around to talk to her. I kind of was like what the heck was that about. Trying to get all nice with one of his exes. I decided to go and right as I went I turn to see if my girls were behind me. Nope it was Annie. I was miffed. Annie let my girls and my friend come through behind me. I hugged Austin again and his family this time. Not knowing what else to say. I returned to my seat. The service ended.

When the procession of the casket followed by the family we all followed in pew order. My heart broke when his nephew whose five runs and grabs Annie’s hand. My daughter had also said when he hugged her it was a living hug. So it hurt. We went outside where it was crowded. I didn’t want to just leave. I stood there a few minutes. I made my way up to Austin and told him I’m sorry I have to go. He knows I don’t drive and there’s no way I could make it to where the cemetery is. So hug number three there was. We walked off I peaked at Krystal, the car I co signed and I just walked towards the subway. Feeling very sad for the family. Feeling as though I could do more. Feeling as though I should be there too. It is what it is right?

He sent me a message an hour ago thanking us for coming and supporting the family. I just simply replied your welcome.


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