The asshole within

I talk to my friend that I’ve known since I was eleven. Explain what happened over the week. What she replied was blunt and made me feel like the biggest ass that ever lived.

“He gets something from u big time even if it’s not physical. He gets his ego fluffed. He gets to walk around thing the got all these women out there that just want to be with him whenever he snaps his fingers. U being around ensures he never gets depressed and lost with that feeling that hey, maybe I’m not good enough or I’m guna be alone forever”

“U have all these feelings.The sadness & loneliness and I don’t see him around supposing u. Instead he tells u fucked up things about a girl he is fucking to then fuck u mentally. Messed up”

“Take what I wrote w a grain of salt if u want. I’ve never been anything but on ur side & honest w u. I’m really upset about these decisions u made. I really hope u do what’s best for you. U are a smart, beautiful, responsible woman. U deserve more than what that uv got outta life so far. It’s not too late to make it right. U got the potential & u got the stuff. U got to stop letting those bad emotions just take over all the time”

I let him stay around in my life so it’s my fault. Why can’t break ups be about it’s over that’s it? I don’t call him or text or anything. He does but I do reply. Yes I miss the shit out of him. I’m lonely. My phone is silent all the time now. So I entertain him. My suffering is my fault. Why be cruel? I think I’m done with my life. It’s just a joke and I’m to blind to see the truth. All I do is attract men that leech onto me and play games knowing it’s over. Wait wait it’s because I let them. What fucking kind of human being can’t move on to the next broad and still playing games with their ex. There’s something wrong with me? No there’s something wrong with them too.

Fuck it.

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