It’s been a year

My whole journey and the reason I made this blog was because I was so saddened and upset over the break up with Austin.. It’s been a year now. It seems that the year went by so quick. Honestly nothing really changed from last year before the break up.

I admit that the summer was the worst one ever for me. Emotionally. But I didn’t lock myself up in the house. I actually went away, went to the beach and just overall enjoyed myself. The past three months though was more bittersweet though. No one imagined his father would pass on. That would forever change our relationship.

I will be the first to admit yes I am a sucker for love. For him for everything. Yes he cheated on me. Yes he was in a relationship with me and some other girl for two years. Why did it end up the way it has. The emotional connection. Something we always had and why we couldn’t let go. Finding it a player got played on his end. Well I don’t think she’s much of a player I think she got bored at home and wanted outside action. Whatever it was, it never was solid as he never trusted her. After his fathers passing the demise of their relationship came. I became the shoulder to lean on.

We have a much better relationship and are closer. Everyone thinks we are together but I don’t classify what it is. We spend time together and just enjoy each other’s company. I’m not looking to be with anyone right now. Even if he said lets try again, I can’t I have so many things that I need to do before I work on us. Whatever we are it has no name. My coworkers and everyone think we are back together I just say don’t label it. At any moment he might find another someone and its alright by me. I didn’t say I wasn’t looking but I don’t have the time and energy to work on another relationship with a home right now. That would require so much work that just isn’t in the cards.

I enjoy the smiles and laughter. I enjoy the dinners and the fun we have. I have happiness that I hadn’t had for a while. I know that I could get hurt again but that’s something I will have to deal with when I cross that bridge. He knows where I stand on us.. But I don’t question him on it. Sometimes things are better left unsaid.

Yea it’s been a year. You know what I’ve made it thru.

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