Monthly Archives: January 2015

That facebook girl

Oh gosh.. You poor girl. You poor girl with 700 thirsty or so guys ok facebook who would love to go out with you. You say they’re all the same. They give you the attention that you need but you complain how they can’t do anything for you.

Truth is ladies. Acting like a skank gets you certain men. If you are willing to send nudes, sext, etc be prepared to attract those men. Don’t whine online.
I can’t stand the girls who have to act like men. Use language to talk.
Sweetheart that isn’t attractive. There are reasons you are single.

First of all you got a record. Who wants a woman who can’t even act right and lands in jail. You got a habit. Weed? Grow the hell up. You don’t even have a career. You have kids but you aren’t raising them. What woman doesn’t raise their kids? If you aren’t a fit parent. You aren’t a fit person. Therefore please stop popping out more kids that end up in foster care.

Interesting enough how you are online if someone wanted you they won’t go online to get what you are getting for free. For the girl who sleeps with other ladies men.. When you get a guy of your own, don’t expect God will bless you with a good guy. What happened? Yup the girl who slept with mine, she got a man who did he wrong. He stole from her and sold her sons play station. Is it right. Can I say karma.
Call it what you will. It is what it is.

I just say stop crying about these people. Just look like a desperate fool anyway!

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Humble Pie

She smiled.. As she stared down the hall.. The smile so broad that the corner of her eyes smiled too..

I’m content she thought. Emotions just wash over you. All that pent up emotion now just was a distant memory. The memories though still there bottled away. Thrown away into the sea to never be opened again. Maybe one day they will resurface but for now, swept in the tide.

Never forget yourself she whispered. She was never selfish only to herself. She gave the world but the world never gave back. She didn’t need it but she wanted it. The slice of humble pie. At least when I lay my head down at night I know my heart was sincere and true. All intentions real and true. I never let anyone down but myself..

At least I’m happy she thought.. For all I have and had.. I never was untrue or changed for anyone. I never broke my own heart. I stayed humble.

Why

Everyone has different opinions on politics, raising kids and relationships.
What even makes sense now a days. Everything just seems to be dying. Things can’t even be done right. People just die.

Sometimes I wonder why I even try. Screw the answers. Screw the tears. Have I bothered to care about someone who only cares if they’re right.

The faith in humanity there’s none. We are monsters living in skin. What we care for are items or objects that make us look good. Things that give us pleasure for a short time. I’m sure those hundred dollar shoes will get you somewhere in life. We just ate soulless. Lifeless.

I just want to walk away. Not think. Every time I do it’s just bad memories or memories of what’s to come. Leave me here. I will stand alone staring into the blackness of the dark. Empty.

Is it me?

Another day another dollar. Except where the hell is the dollar. Seems the more I work the less I see. Is it me? What the hell is going on here. I used to be happy go lucky. Yea I could get moody. Yes I am a female. I am also a Virgo. Heck I am everything my sign says I am. Picky you name it. But hell is it me? I  really truly can’t stand people anymore. The amount of common sense seems to have gone out the window. I want to just slap everyone. I think if I did I would still be a bit uptight.

I have no clue why I feel like this. Life isn’t that bad right now. Just nothing is making me happy. Customers at work just seem to irritate the shit out of me. Today one in particular. Can you help me? I was helping my customer who was in front of me. I said I will page you someone. So I do continue helping whom I was helping. The guy interjects well are they coming. Now I am fuming. Really dude. I paged someone I have no idea whose out there. I am here trying to help this guy out. Don’t you know what patience is? Then the annoying one wanders into my cubby hole and starts touching things everything while I am still helping my customer. I page again in front of him. Dude I got this guy already I am trying to help and you’re making this three minute process turn out to be an eternity. Finally when I said where I was is totally separate from the store does he leave. I was extremely irritated.

I can’t seem to find a reason to smile lately. I walk around with a chest full of pain. Everything is ok, so where the heck is this all coming from. I have or I feel like I have anxiety brewing up inside my chest. It is bad enough I stopped drinking my favorite soda Pepsi. I did a nice three month stint and here I am back at it. I’m jumpy and all that too. Fuck it has to be the soda. I could be outside and someone comes from behind me I get so scared. I know I hold the answers to whats bothering me but I can’t even narrow it down.

Is it the kids? Work? Him? Life? Lord if I know. I just want to be able to breathe be normal. But for some reason something just isn’t right. I can’t understand why. So its deeply getting to me. Don’t get me wrong I have been in my job for sixteen years I know how to be friendly and courteous towards people its just how people are now that makes me seriously shake my head. I think its bad enough today, every time I checked my Facebook feed no matter how many times someone said it was a hoax someone would post the status about the privacy feed. I felt smacking the shit out of these idiots. Look its plain and simple. Either delete your account or don’t share public information about yourself. How hard is it to do that?

Maybe it isn’t me, maybe I just need to stop tolerating the world. Like I actually give a hoot? No, honestly don’t care if no one reads this. I don’t care what anyone has to say on what I think or do. I try my damn hardest to do what I can in this world. I wish I had all the time in the world to do what I want to do.

 

fuck it.

Point Taken

So I don’t drive. I never really planned too. Living in NYC you get to point A to point B with public transportation. 8 years ago I moved out of state in hopes of finding a better future. What I found were twisted 40 year old so called friends with backward roots. I high tailed my 30 year old ass back to the city..

I had planned to drive in the Midwest wish I had gotten my license. Can’t dwell on the bad. Can’t dwell on the reasons why I never had one and all that. I have 21 months before my permit expires. I wasted all of 2014 being bummed on a broken relationship. No more moping around its gotta happen.

So I took to social media.. A platform I use to post pics mostly because it makes me cringe on occasion. I asked for anyone to give me lessons. I basically heard crickets. Then little by little four people said they would. Not one of them lives in NYC. Two are from Florida. My cousin and little brother respectively. The other two are from California. So not one person I know related to me that lives here even tried. So I’m not mad. I basically can tell how busy people are. But if I took to social media and begged and pleaded that something tragic would happen I’m sure I would get the I would help you speech.

So I took to my blog because I think taking to Facebook might make a bad guy if I pointed this out. When you see a girl who lives close to you talking about her teen daughter driving. You know there’s time. Oh wait, must not be in that circle. It’s all good. Might seem spiteful to feel or right this but hey I’m trying. I guess I will find my own way to get my driving perfected. Driving schools, nope not that one I chose. Suppose to be the best.. But I seen differently. I’ll get there with or without help. Thanks for letting me see what is more important. The posts about your new hater or a post about someone wanting to learn something. Haters win all the time!

Those things we call feelings

Yay 2015 is here. Blah blah. It’s another day. Another day I live. It’s cool. So why is my heart acting like it’s crazy. Lovely. It’s currently hurting. Maybe it’s indigestion? Maybe it’s an anxiety attack. Any thing you call it, I’ve dealt with it before. Sigh.

I made it a whole year in whatever this friendship/relationship I’m in. It doesn’t even have a name. Just a few days ago someone I work with noticed Austin and asked how we knew each other. That was like a comedy act. Both trying to find the words. Kinda sorta my ex.. La da.. Even his mom called me his girlfriend. Confusing.

So that’s not even what’s getting to me. Is it crazy I just want this kiss. A passionate sweet kiss.. I actually crave this kiss. I’m not going to ask I know it’s crazy. How can I feel about I want a kiss. It would be generic and awkward. That’s not what I want. I’m hoping he would do it. I know that’s not why my chest is killing me but it sure just makes me know those feelings are there.

I tell myself I can’t put my heart in this. Which is why I don’t sit him down and say what is this? What are we? I really can’t commit myself to him. I just am not ready to just say let’s give it a go. Oh feelings take you ass elsewhere! No heart no problem.. Can I do it?