Category Archives: Life

Foolish

He told me it was my fault he couldn’t move on.. But he keeps telling me he has to move on. It’s funny how I’m the one who has nothing to lose. I’m not grasping at anything.

Every little foolish move made its my fault.. Sure I know I can’t stay here. I’m the one who never wanted anything. Why does someone care for someone so much they won’t let them go but they won’t chose to be with them either. Instead they keep trying to find others and it never works because the feelings aren’t there..

Sometimes I wish I never met you..
How dare you the one with the problems make it seem like it’s my fault. He said we could have worked if we took it slow. I laughed. He said I wanted to see him daily. Nope. At anytime he could have went home after work. He’s the one who came each night, he’s the one who started the relationship. I wasn’t looking for anything. I didn’t really think he would take me on.

All the blame is to me, when he knows he wanted to be here. Now we play games. He can’t seem to be happy he tells me. He can’t give his all. When I met him. He gave me his all. No secrets I knew him. Now he hides himself. Now he tells me he can’t get over me. But yet move on. He moves on to settle. These girls will never do all I did..

Why the hell am I so good to keep you wanting me but you don’t want to try.. I want the words I want the answer but I’m sure it will be another lie. I can’t expect a boy to take on a woman. Can I?

Advertisements

Blame Game

So if you ever speak to others on cheating I’ve had many women friends tell me that you shouldn’t blame the other woman who was cheating with your man. Nope sorry. It takes two to tango. Two for everything so if you think I won’t put the girl on blast you are wrong.

I finally read an article that I saw on facebook where they did put the blame on the other party. Sorry he didn’t just face first fall in your vagina. When it became more than friends and you guys were sending nudes and sexting. At any minute did you realize what you were doing? When you met up secretly to eat, then ended up in bed. No it was the alcohol. This is the funny part that my ex said he was drunk all the time. Yes he lies but it does give you a laugh when you know he has to get piss ass drunk to put his penis in you.

So Miss 40 year old Mets fan.. I feel sorry for you. Not only because your favorite baseball team is the worst there is nor because you tattooed them on your body. I feel bad because you opened up your legs for a man you met online. You knew he was seeing someone. He posted a status in regards to me that you even replied too. You damn hypocrite. He lied told you things but when you invited him over you still had my sloppy seconds.

It’s funny how my ex linked me to this app called circle. Two years ago. It used to show me where my friends were I knew right off the bat when it said Arverne he was with you. You wanted so much more. You watched him lie to you and date the asian girl. So while he was sleeping with us both there was her. You weren’t even good for him too. You were good to open up your short legs too but nope not good enough to replace me.

You still weren’t good enough and you’re his friend to even be told about his father passing. But he wanted to try something this time. Knowing I’m not a bad person he decided to go where the low point is. Yea you. You deserve each other. You aren’t good enough. He doesn’t want me. So he has to settle because you just open your legs. No other girl takes his game anymore. So until how long this lasts? We all know.

So is opening your legs worth it? At 40 who wants to play the screwing game. Companionship that’s the thing. Anyone can have affairs and open their legs. I want someone who just doesn’t mind cuddling with me. Who will just be there when I need them. I don’t need a fuck buddy.. I guess you do.. I guess you do..

Disclaimer!

Some people need a disclaimer!!!

If you have no intentions to be faithful then don’t catch feelings and get in a relationship. Stay that player for life!

If you can’t even say the word commitment and when someone asks you if you’re married or single, and the answer is single because your not married then your a total jerk!

If you think you’ll be blessed by a good man or woman after you screwed a good one over think again.. Karma is a bitch!

After all I’ve done

Being there helping, the nine yard, he confesses through text. He’s going to spend time with the girl he met on facebook. The girl he met and screwed while dating me. Because she’s changed and she was there for him..

I wasn’t good enough but he kept going back. This time I knew the day after. This time the texts are deleted and every picture is gone.

Words from a fool…

She doubts me.

She doesn’t trust me.

She is mad I won’t open up.

We’ve been together two years.

She is good like me.

 

He won’t commit, still sleeps around.

He was dating her and dating another girl.

If you were dating both and the other girl was before her..

You never dated her. It never lifted off the ground.

Two years? You still argue about commitment.

You are both wasting your time. If you haven’t given her your all yet. You never will

She is a hiccup in your life. She isn’t the one. Keep pursuing her. It’s more emotional abuse.

Cut the strings.

If it works good luck.

Tornado Dream

So the usual culprit sent me to bed angry.

Around 3am I had a terrible dream. I had a dream there was a tornado. While the people around me were not my immediate family, I don’t know any of them. I still had a connection to them. There was several young kids and people I assume I was related to. The heart wrenching thing is watching it get so close and a flash of lighting comes so close. I didn’t see much. I do remember the little girls hand I was holding. Her face turns blood red. We continue to go. Then sometime later I remember hearing two of my own died. We continue to go off. The dream was turning more into a horror movie now. Then I wake up.

 

I googled dreams about tornadoes. It said something about fighting with someone. Emotional chaos etc. This was over the top for me. I barely ever get to dream, and if I do then I hardly remember them. I wish I never remembered this one.

Little Miss Perfect

Omg…. for the life of jellybeans…

Cutesy I am so perfect statuses.

Everything is so perfect. The birds chirp!

Omg. Everything is perfect. Let me take a pic!

Oh wait. The picture isn’t perfect. No, not like that. Oh

natural. Oh we got it. On the tenth picture.

Life is so perfect because of the air we breathe…

Yea disclaimer it is. But some people try so hard to make themselves look like they belong to the sainthood.

Uh huh..

Two AM in the morning my phone vibrates. I look since I am up since I can’t sleep, it’s Danny. He sends me a pic of something in his hand. He asked me if I knew what it was. I said uh its either your nails or dead hard skin. Danny sent me a pic of his toe nail clippings. He wanted to tell me that he cut them. He told me that they smelled too. I said I am glad you could share this with me. Then he said have to go good night gotta go work in the morning. I said well thats for a fast one.

Danny boy, you are such a lot boy or soul. You act like a kid. You need so much attention. I am not even sure why I got the lovely clippings. You sisters, your best friend but me.. How sweet.

Danny danny danny…

Yea sure I was entertained. What else was I suppose to do at 2am when I was sweating out a fever and out of lives on Candy Crush! lol

New York State of Mind

So have you ever wondered why you were born and raised where you are? Well we all know the obvious, Mom meets Dad etc. I always wondered what made someone be from New York or even Ireland. Yea it isn’t rocket science. Have you ever felt like you don’t belong in you’re country or even city of birth?

I am a New Yorker, born and raised. I really don’t feel like the typical New Yorker though. Sure I grew up in public housing but it was not in a bad neighborhood. I have never seen a shoot out or anyone die in front of me. I have never seen a gun close up thank god unless it was one that a city cop had. The closest I came to crime was going to Bayridge Brooklyn on the R train when I was a teen. I saw a lady sitting across from my sister and I eating a bag of skittles. She had a chain around her neck. Somewhere in Brooklyn this man gets off right before he does he rips the chain off this ladies neck and leaves. She was too in shock. She held onto her neck with disbelief. I too was like oh my god! Yea New York isn’t that bad but people assume it can be. It really isn’t. I love living here. I don’t go to Times Square on New Years or visit the Statue of Liberty or anything like that. We just don’t get the time like that. Sometimes I want to but the pace that tourist walks and how we walk, we just want to get to where we are going.

I love being able to come home from my job late at night on the city bus and being able to stop into a 24 hour stores. Sure most places have them but you drive to them. My favorite is the bodegas. I would miss them if I moved. The best place to get lotto tickets and chips and the news paper under one roof. I am not one of those tough girls with the street mouth. I am basically quiet and keep to myself. There really isn’t one person to even compare anyone too. New York is filled with an assortment of people. The working class, the preppies, the college kids, you know where I am coming from. I always felt like I belonged in a state like Montana. Who knows why I think that. I think I belong in a smaller state. I often wondered if things were different would I be living in a home and have a license and have things like that. I guess you can’t really say that. Things could be much worse than I make it sound.

I hate the way the cost of living is up the wazoo. How people just come here and get places. How you have to lie to get anything decent. People that work for the city agencies have the worst attitudes and they just basically sit there doing nothing while you wait. No one should have to live in a shelter. Its just disturbing. Why is rent so ridiculous!

So nothing really is keeping me here but my mother. She has no one else but me. I tried to move elsewhere seven years ago that didn’t work out very well. I know I could very well move and go to Montana or California or anywhere like that. I could start fresh with new friends a a new job a new address. I think I will give myself a year or two more here to clearly make that decision. I love my city and all it has to offer but it has been a rough journey!

Don’t give up

I never doubt that people can change but it needs to be in you to do it. I am not sure I am not a doctor. I don’t really know if someone sees a specialist or a therapist or even enters rehab will it change them. I don’t know. I just think if it is something you want you need to go for it.  If you don’t talk out the problems at hand and instead choose to forget it and move on to the future you are basically leaving an opened door for your demons to reappear. I think you have to confront the problem. Talk it out. Telling yourself that there is no problem is lying to yourself.

I firmly believe if you want it go for it. There should be nothing to hold you back. I am a big cheerleader when it comes to knowing that I believe that someone can do it. You just can not give up. I am not getting anything out of here rooting and cheering. In my heart I know I won’t give up.

If you find your niche you will find your place. Just don’t give up.