Category Archives: Views

Don’t care.. Ugly side

I don’t care how tacky or childish this is.. I’m hurt beyond anything.. So my final healing is going to be to let the anger out!

Guess I should of known by what type of women he picked..

Here’s the drugged up chick from the ghetto he met on the job.. She was before me by a year and a half. I feel sorry for his ex he had at the time. I’m leaving her out of it. She was just blindsided like me..

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The asian girl, he claimed on social media of Course as happy anniversary 2 years.. June 18,2014. Mind you we broke up with 12/20/13! She ended up being psycho, married with a kid. Mr.player got played! Touché!!!!

Last but not least.. She fits in the middle of me and the one above.. This one is a prize. Skankarella and nasty.. Throwing her sexuality around in ways. If a man won’t take her she will try a girl.. Eh no problem in that but ewwww!! You guys can start a relationship if you like but if he screwed you while with me he will do it again.. Hood rats offer nothing!!

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I couldn’t give a rats ass who sees this.. You ever feel your heart ripped to shreds..

Word of advice.. Beautiful girls are out of your league Mr P! You’re too intimidated by them. You aren’t confident. Always go for the underdogs and bad attitudes. One thing I wasn’t but I was nice.. But ugly is as ugly can get.. Ugly heart and soul..

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That facebook girl

Oh gosh.. You poor girl. You poor girl with 700 thirsty or so guys ok facebook who would love to go out with you. You say they’re all the same. They give you the attention that you need but you complain how they can’t do anything for you.

Truth is ladies. Acting like a skank gets you certain men. If you are willing to send nudes, sext, etc be prepared to attract those men. Don’t whine online.
I can’t stand the girls who have to act like men. Use language to talk.
Sweetheart that isn’t attractive. There are reasons you are single.

First of all you got a record. Who wants a woman who can’t even act right and lands in jail. You got a habit. Weed? Grow the hell up. You don’t even have a career. You have kids but you aren’t raising them. What woman doesn’t raise their kids? If you aren’t a fit parent. You aren’t a fit person. Therefore please stop popping out more kids that end up in foster care.

Interesting enough how you are online if someone wanted you they won’t go online to get what you are getting for free. For the girl who sleeps with other ladies men.. When you get a guy of your own, don’t expect God will bless you with a good guy. What happened? Yup the girl who slept with mine, she got a man who did he wrong. He stole from her and sold her sons play station. Is it right. Can I say karma.
Call it what you will. It is what it is.

I just say stop crying about these people. Just look like a desperate fool anyway!

Point Taken

So I don’t drive. I never really planned too. Living in NYC you get to point A to point B with public transportation. 8 years ago I moved out of state in hopes of finding a better future. What I found were twisted 40 year old so called friends with backward roots. I high tailed my 30 year old ass back to the city..

I had planned to drive in the Midwest wish I had gotten my license. Can’t dwell on the bad. Can’t dwell on the reasons why I never had one and all that. I have 21 months before my permit expires. I wasted all of 2014 being bummed on a broken relationship. No more moping around its gotta happen.

So I took to social media.. A platform I use to post pics mostly because it makes me cringe on occasion. I asked for anyone to give me lessons. I basically heard crickets. Then little by little four people said they would. Not one of them lives in NYC. Two are from Florida. My cousin and little brother respectively. The other two are from California. So not one person I know related to me that lives here even tried. So I’m not mad. I basically can tell how busy people are. But if I took to social media and begged and pleaded that something tragic would happen I’m sure I would get the I would help you speech.

So I took to my blog because I think taking to Facebook might make a bad guy if I pointed this out. When you see a girl who lives close to you talking about her teen daughter driving. You know there’s time. Oh wait, must not be in that circle. It’s all good. Might seem spiteful to feel or right this but hey I’m trying. I guess I will find my own way to get my driving perfected. Driving schools, nope not that one I chose. Suppose to be the best.. But I seen differently. I’ll get there with or without help. Thanks for letting me see what is more important. The posts about your new hater or a post about someone wanting to learn something. Haters win all the time!

Those things we call feelings

Yay 2015 is here. Blah blah. It’s another day. Another day I live. It’s cool. So why is my heart acting like it’s crazy. Lovely. It’s currently hurting. Maybe it’s indigestion? Maybe it’s an anxiety attack. Any thing you call it, I’ve dealt with it before. Sigh.

I made it a whole year in whatever this friendship/relationship I’m in. It doesn’t even have a name. Just a few days ago someone I work with noticed Austin and asked how we knew each other. That was like a comedy act. Both trying to find the words. Kinda sorta my ex.. La da.. Even his mom called me his girlfriend. Confusing.

So that’s not even what’s getting to me. Is it crazy I just want this kiss. A passionate sweet kiss.. I actually crave this kiss. I’m not going to ask I know it’s crazy. How can I feel about I want a kiss. It would be generic and awkward. That’s not what I want. I’m hoping he would do it. I know that’s not why my chest is killing me but it sure just makes me know those feelings are there.

I tell myself I can’t put my heart in this. Which is why I don’t sit him down and say what is this? What are we? I really can’t commit myself to him. I just am not ready to just say let’s give it a go. Oh feelings take you ass elsewhere! No heart no problem.. Can I do it?

My life.. 30 seconds

If I would have realized how shows like Friends and How I Met Your Mother would reflect on me now.. I would’ve asked for a time warp to jump past all the bullshit..

We all have that one friend happy couple. The one with kids. The one who can’t ever find a decent relationship. Ahh comedies a burst of energy and joy. I mean no one has that many crazy things happen. At least it’s better than reality TV..

I need to get out more.

It’s been a year

My whole journey and the reason I made this blog was because I was so saddened and upset over the break up with Austin.. It’s been a year now. It seems that the year went by so quick. Honestly nothing really changed from last year before the break up.

I admit that the summer was the worst one ever for me. Emotionally. But I didn’t lock myself up in the house. I actually went away, went to the beach and just overall enjoyed myself. The past three months though was more bittersweet though. No one imagined his father would pass on. That would forever change our relationship.

I will be the first to admit yes I am a sucker for love. For him for everything. Yes he cheated on me. Yes he was in a relationship with me and some other girl for two years. Why did it end up the way it has. The emotional connection. Something we always had and why we couldn’t let go. Finding it a player got played on his end. Well I don’t think she’s much of a player I think she got bored at home and wanted outside action. Whatever it was, it never was solid as he never trusted her. After his fathers passing the demise of their relationship came. I became the shoulder to lean on.

We have a much better relationship and are closer. Everyone thinks we are together but I don’t classify what it is. We spend time together and just enjoy each other’s company. I’m not looking to be with anyone right now. Even if he said lets try again, I can’t I have so many things that I need to do before I work on us. Whatever we are it has no name. My coworkers and everyone think we are back together I just say don’t label it. At any moment he might find another someone and its alright by me. I didn’t say I wasn’t looking but I don’t have the time and energy to work on another relationship with a home right now. That would require so much work that just isn’t in the cards.

I enjoy the smiles and laughter. I enjoy the dinners and the fun we have. I have happiness that I hadn’t had for a while. I know that I could get hurt again but that’s something I will have to deal with when I cross that bridge. He knows where I stand on us.. But I don’t question him on it. Sometimes things are better left unsaid.

Yea it’s been a year. You know what I’ve made it thru.

Hope

Hope
Hoping
Hopefully
Hopelessness

To want what I have had is to hope and dream it will be there. All along these feelings have come my way. They’ve been there, inside. Carrying all that I have around. I feel it all. There are times that I feel like I can’t keep on. I look and I think and I know. The four letters of this word. Is Hope.

I’ve met all types of people from all type of places in this world. I’ve met a girl named Faith, when I had nothing. She Worked for an agency that had the name Hope in it. I knew that when I had nothing that this was my Hope. So I didn’t give up. I made it through.

I can never give up or lose Hope. If I lose it, I lose myself. My Aunt may she rest in peace, her name was Esperanza and my little twin, my niece, her name is Hope. I will never give up. Hope has always brought me up. I know I will be ok.

Who was she really?

We all began to wonder who she was. Was she kind? Was she nice? Was she going to be everything we hoped for? Anyone whose anyone with half a brain can pull off any stunt. Men and women. Especially if it’s just a game.

She played him for a fool. Sometimes I wonder why women in a sexless marriage, men in a sexless marriage, why they don’t go and leave. They sometimes have affairs. They stay for the children. Is it really best? You know your not going to leave your spouse but you go on trysts with someone else.

She used him to get what she couldn’t get. She tried to manipulate him to be what he couldn’t. She wanted to mold him into a puppet. Her piece of ass and what she couldn’t get out of her spouse she had done to him. When it all came to light she pointed fingers.

Today someone sent a picture to the man she had the affair with. Her smiling pumpkin picking. Holding her child and surrounded with her husband and his parents. Smiling and beaming. After all it was his new Facebook profile picture. She was so manipulative that just months after it burnt with him she’s a happy family woman again. Or was she ever unhappy? She tried to see what she could get? Just a horny bitch trying to get guys on the low. Blue collar because she couldn’t go anyone who wasn’t on her level.

Well played lady.. You burnt a flame but remember it comes back to you.. So while your family now. Don’t expect when you pull your games again one day hubby might have an urge and stray. Not everyone is dense to someone changing.

Good luck.. You’ll need it.

Mistress isn’t always what you think

So this girl I work with who married the guy to get his green card talks about him and a man she has been talking too.
She calls him a mis “stress” the other guy. He’s married and has two biological kids and one step daughter with his wife. But he talks to my coworker. She will tell you the story. They only went as far as kissing but she has deeper attachment. Yet this man is one of those who has no balls. If wife says have no friends, he has no friends. If wife says quit the second job he will. He has done that. He left his second job because his wife told him too.

He will bitch and whine but it’s so sad that he’s so arrogant. When I first met him I could not stand how he thought his shit didn’t stink. Now that he no longer works with us I can’t stand a man who is a pussy so it’s pitiful. He contacts my friend through his job email only. Talking on a personal level. He is one of those she has my kids. I don’t want to be a failure as a father. You have choices to make. Make them. Don’t stay unhappy because of someone. Be a man.

As for my friend, the greencard marriage. It isn’t a great one. He isn’t around and doesn’t do much for her. How anyone puts themselves in that position makes no sense. He forgot her birthday didn’t do anything for her. Even if the marriage is just for papers think to yourself is it worth it? Being tied down when who knows you will find the right one. She says she cares but her bitching out weighs her love for green card man. She’s been dealing with ex coworker the same time she’s been with that other. You can’t give either a chance.

Either which way.. Being a mistress isn’t a situation anyone should want.

Depression

Woke up in despair today. Couldn’t seem to wonder where I was. All I knew is that everything inside ached. Why couldn’t it be all a dream I wondered. It’s such a terrible feeling.

I looked in the mirror. I couldn’t stare at my reflection. My eyes they don’t shine like they use too. They seem soulless. My smiles hidden too. Where did it all go.

There’s pain the heart, pain in the shoulders and neck. Is it real pain or is my mind playing tricks. I sometimes wish they would find something wrong with me. I stay at my window. I long to be happy. I go back lay in my bed. I want to sleep. Just sleep until I can’t asleep anymore.

Dear depression. You are unwanted. I’ve never asked of you to be here. Stop ruining my life. It doesn’t answer. Please leave I cry. I want it all back. I want it all back. I just cry and sob.