He told me it was my fault he couldn’t move on.. But he keeps telling me he has to move on. It’s funny how I’m the one who has nothing to lose. I’m not grasping at anything.
Every little foolish move made its my fault.. Sure I know I can’t stay here. I’m the one who never wanted anything. Why does someone care for someone so much they won’t let them go but they won’t chose to be with them either. Instead they keep trying to find others and it never works because the feelings aren’t there..
Sometimes I wish I never met you..
How dare you the one with the problems make it seem like it’s my fault. He said we could have worked if we took it slow. I laughed. He said I wanted to see him daily. Nope. At anytime he could have went home after work. He’s the one who came each night, he’s the one who started the relationship. I wasn’t looking for anything. I didn’t really think he would take me on.
All the blame is to me, when he knows he wanted to be here. Now we play games. He can’t seem to be happy he tells me. He can’t give his all. When I met him. He gave me his all. No secrets I knew him. Now he hides himself. Now he tells me he can’t get over me. But yet move on. He moves on to settle. These girls will never do all I did..
Why the hell am I so good to keep you wanting me but you don’t want to try.. I want the words I want the answer but I’m sure it will be another lie. I can’t expect a boy to take on a woman. Can I?
So there’s a pattern. Every few days or so Austin sends me a message. I reply sometimes I don’t. I told the therapist this. She seems to think Austin misses me. Maybe so but to me if he honestly missed me then explain all the nights he spent with other women and two years with the other chick? Therapist says he missed what he had. He had a family and stability with me. Eh maybe so. He lost that not me. He wants to hold on to me, I’m a backup plan to him. I am no option anymore. In the beginning when we dated I was a priority but towards the end I was not. No, sorry Austin I am not gonna be the girl you fall back too. Maybe we have deep feeling for each other. That is all there is. He knew very well when he backed away why he did it. I can’t make someone stay with me so whatever. It is your loss.
I miss his dumb ass terribly at times. Todays text to me was. “Iphone sucks lol” So does your Samsung Galaxy my friend. I didn’t reply. The last few days I had replied it was 3 replies that was it. The conversation went dead. He just wanted to make sure I was there. Yea not today Austin. Go hang out with the people in the hood today. Those great friends you got! I’m sure you will feel great knowing you dodge a bullet huh?
Go out and find your dream girl.. I don’t have time to be waiting anymore..
This day ended lovely.. Sarcastically I’m saying that.
Not for nothing Austin break your emotional attachment to me. Two days after you flipped the heck out on me, he ballsy messaged me via fb about pics we had together. Two days later, yesterday he messages me on FB again. Don’t take no action on him over the money he owes me. He will pay me back trust me.
So I’m fuming. I’m trying to live my life and he keeps messaging me. I haven’t even thought about any money or even asking him for squat. I wanna say fucktard, block me! If my pics bother you my fb bothers you block me. I already blocked half the crew from the hood of his. Now this. Just need a reason to see if I will respond. Last night I simply muted the fb conversation. Yea I should hit block I know it.
I woke up this morning after a really bad night and had my iPhone on airplane mode. I turn it on. He messages me I still got your number didn’t delete it. Blah, seriously? I am not replying. Dude seriously Annie gave you something I hadn’t, so don’t think because you were familiar with me that your good with me. I’m not second to none. You made your choice to cheat, you made your choice to date another.
It’s a shame that some people think that the hurtful nature of things they do to innocent people will not come back to bite them in the ass. Well it does. It’s sad to say that lessons take a long time to learn and if they ever learn from what mistakes they have made. Don’t blame someone because you can’t face reality and blame yourself. Take responsibility for your actions. Think about others before you think about yourself.
I’m not used to break ups effecting men. One minute he’s fine the next he isn’t. He still thinks Annie and him will work out.
He is so hell bent on this being my fault. His solution we go our separate ways. Which is fine by me but he wants the car keys. Yet he owes me money. I said go get a notarized letter or refinance the loan. There’s no way in hell he gets the keys. He’s fallen with the payments last November his word is no good. Sure keeping the key is something but it also holds my credit in his hand. The money he owes me I know I won’t see.
He belittled me to say he wasted his years with me when he could have had a family by now. I simply now wasn’t hurt and told him such. When he wasn’t acting erratic I would have taken that and felt bad. Now I don’t. He cheated on me, he hurt me. He hurt others in the past. The ex before me he treated her the same way. He finally got what he dished back. He’s hurt he got to be put in this position. I guess he felt that he would never know how it feels. I guess because me and the previous ex did not make a big thing and break it off with him that it didn’t matter. This time he got outsmarted.
His final texts said stupid stuff. I didn’t reply. I can’t and I won’t. This isn’t my fight anymore. I learned the hard way. I know he’s hurt and it’s raw but you don’t control me anymore.
Not trying to be lectured. I already knew breaking up would hurt. I stayed around lingering like the relationship before this one. Hoping that things would change. I know, emotional abuse keeps you there. Yes I knew better. I should have cut all ties and never looked back. I thought Danny was different. I stayed around I kept telling myself for the car I cosigned and the money he owed me. I know why I did because I loved him. Shoot we were still messing around once a month..
The worst pain ever to me is the fact that I tried so hard for nothing. I can’t dwell on it, it just hurts like a bitch right now. I can’t vent anywhere else. I am too old to rant about it on social media. I am too tired to look for a shoulder to cry on. I guess this is where I will say my piece. I know the next few days and months are going to hurt like hell.
Before I get into another relationship I swear I need to talk to a therapist I guess. To see if its me doing things wrong or what. I was talking to someone last week. Tonight I started bawling my eyes out for like two hours shaking. I was freaking out so much I could not breathe but I could not say much to him. He wants more than I can give right now. I said goodbye and let him kiss my forehead. I feel so damaged right now. I know I am a good person. I know my job isn’t the greatest. I know I don’t drive but I am learning. I know I don’t have a special hobby or know about special places around NYC. I don’t know what I did that I did it so wrong.
Oh well… its my own personal rant. Not looking for comments though.. I just needed to let it all out. I wish the hurt would just go away now..
I’m here all sad at times and then I see how some couples who were married file for divorce. I read that Sherri Shepard’s husband wants full custody of the unborn child. That’s heart wrenching.
Also saw some girl friend of a friend. Yesterday was her birthday. So her ex husband proposed to his new girl on the same day. Dagger to the heart.
I don’t know what posses people to be so cruel. I guess compared to what I’m dealing with. That’s just simple.