Monthly Archives: July 2014

Second chances

We always give them. For what. Will a cheater change? Answers will vary depending on the person. We know that we will have doubts anyway on them. Why when we break up we need that person. They could have torn us apart but we still need them.

We are so blinded by what we think is love that we don’t honestly think it through. So you broke up. Why go back? For the sex? Relationships aren’t based on sex? Emotional connection? Sometimes only one partner feels the connection. The other is driven by infatuation.

How often we think it’s going to be better the second time around. Maybe second chances are better when it’s time taken in between them. I don’t mean a month or so. I mean years. Decades who knows. To allow ourselves to grow. In a months time you can’t grow. You only are driven by emotional changes. Nothing concrete.

It is what it is.


You’ve got some nerve!

I wrote about one girl I know who is seeing a guy she met on the dating site. Of course after two weeks she finds out that he kept pressing lets get married. Of course he wants his papers. So you know now she is all about I miss my man. I miss this and that about him. She tells me the other day how she was hanging with some girlfriends and she was feeling the need to get some, she was in a part of the city so she calls up the few people who live in that area. One guy picked up and promised after he was done working he would call her back. She tells me that she missed all his calls and she was sleeping. That she took this as a sign. This is the girl that is proclaiming she loves this man but was willing to get local dick from any guy. She has the nerve to tell me what to do with my life. Asshole.

Same girl, is also trying to get a place with this man. He has no credit, she has poor credit. So shes talking to me and she goes and says I know you have good credit. I am staring at her with that look. I am like no she is not going there. Literally she wants me to fill out this apartment application and list her ass as a tenant. What are you criminally insane? I don’t even have my own place. I have my own kids. Selfish little bitch. How dare you ask me to do things for you. You fix your own problems and leave me the hell alone. How dare you. I don’t care how long it takes for you to get an apartment. This supposed happy love affair. The green card guy and the girl who needs local dick. Yea I am sure you will ride off into the sunset. 

I am so happy you two found each other.. Not!

Online Dating Part 5

So this one guy kept messaging me all last week. I kept telling him I was working. Sorry that is something people do. I already had plans last weekend to go to AC and such. Everyday he was bugging me to meet him. He works the typical 9-5 shift. I work the closing shifts. So now I can’t meet at 6 or 7 in the evening. I wish some people would understand that. He hasn’t tried this week. I guess thats better for me because I feel like I have to emphasize my shift doesn’t change so what can you expect?

So I must have pissed someone off by not replying to their message or something. I changed my pic to one of the nice sky pics I had taken. Does anyone read instructions in this day of age? I guess when I signed up I totally didn’t read the what you can’t and can not have as a provide picture. So it was up a day and someone reported my cloud picture. I am like seriously?  Jerk.. lol But its funny I was looking at pics of guys who looked at my page and I saw a handful of profile pics showing cars and stuff. Wow. Thanks to the douche bag of a guy. 

I deleted the app off my phone this morning. I needed space. So its still there I can sign in online I guess but I don’t even have the patience to be bothered so oh well. Guess will check back into it next week see if theres anything new. I am sure there isn’t. It’s all for the blog now. That is it.


So the other day I went to Atlantic City. I saw George Lopez at the Borgota Hotel. He was extremely funny. So you just listen to what he’s saying and you know he’s right. He’s talking about parenting now and then. Back when I was kid in the 80’s things were different.

Now a days the kids don’t know anything. The parents shelter them way too much. Hey you can’t quote me on this but I’m sure the same amount of predators are out there as back then. We just didn’t know. I’m not saying throw your kids out to the wolves. You can’t expect a kid to learn anything if you’re going to hold their hand until they turn 18.

To me NYC is way better now than it was back then. Back then we would play outside and have fun. Make up games and in the early 90’s kids would take the milk cape and put clay in it and play skelly. Now kids can’t leave their iPhones down for a minute. It’s the internet babysitting the kids. I only own one computer and my kids get a limited amount of time on it. Yea it’s mine which means I get it when I want. Only my oldest has a phone he’s 19. My kids don’t but hey I can’t afford it anyway. It’s better that way.

Instead of parents being concerned at when the next happy hour is, get with your kid go outside have a day out with no devices. Show them how it was and how it is to travel. They have to learn eventually. They need to have values set in them. They need to know if a stranger approaches me to scream. Know your phone number. Most kids only know numbers because it’s in their phones. Now back then all the numbers we needed to know we memorized.

Teach your kids morals and values. Don’t let the tv and the reality shows and others raise your kids but also don’t baby them either. Know what age they should be doing what.


Some days work just drags, then others it’s as busy as anything. Today Derrick was charging his phone so he walks in my area so many times. He’s a man attached to his phone. He’s in his late twenties. So I’m about to punch out for lunch when I say to him, “can I ask you a stupid question?” He replies, ” there’s no stupid questions just answers.”

So I explain this weekend. How the ex told me what his plans were, how he sent me over 10 pics this week. Of what he also had on Instagram and most likely Facebook. I was mostly puzzled by the actions. Derrick says, Your ex needs your approval. He needs to know there’s feelings there still. I say that anyone could like his pics on social media. We aren’t Facebook friends so technically I can’t but he wanted me to see what he had posted. So why can’t all your friends be your approval I’m thinking. Derrick says yea, men are crazy like that. He needs to know I’m still there and my approval matters, that he looks good etc. Knowing my ex this actually does make sense.

So yea I know do I need to respond to him. No. I do. I’m not over it. I don’t text him. I don’t even make the effort. He let’s it skip a day he will text me something random. I know I can do the no contact rule. Those feelings we had are deep. I know what I feel, what place I am at right now. I know I can’t go back to that. I do miss him though. Entertain me once a day. I haven’t seen him in person in a month. We’ve spoken by telephone.. I’ve gotten over the anguish of the hurt.. Just got so much on my plate that I’m not even taking the pics as anything. I just needed a mans point of view.

Oh kiddo.. You know I love you.. I wish you would have realized that. Oh well you know.. Just another hard lesson that I’ve learned. It’s what keeps me hanging tough.

Thinking about

Way too much on my mind. So much work, so many things going on. No relief in site. I’ve always welcomed a challenge. Right now I’m not sure if this one is going to consume me whole.
I’ve got decisions to make that aren’t easy. I’m just going in circles trying to find out what is the best thing. Something has to give. I wish something would come knock on my forehead and say hello this is what you’re suppose to do. I hate being confused!

Neglectful parents

I wonder if it’s the chemicals in foods and in the air or it’s just people being plain ignorant and stupid. Over the past few months I’ve heard and seen way to much stuff that makes you want to slap the idiot doing it.

So I was at my job the other day talking to a coworker who was changing her outfit from one job to this. A lady comes in and puts her 6 year old in a stall. Leaves the door open a crack. She goes outside. Another woman walks in needing to use it badly I tell her no there’s a child in there. By this time my coworker is done. The mother comes in after 3 mins to check on her daughter.

My coworker and I leave since she was done. We go outside there’s a toddler in a carriage. The mother comes out, the same one who left her child alone in the stall. Then she goes back in. My coworker and I both say to ourselves what the heck?! She left her toddler whose just about one year old outside. We decided to stick around. Like who does this? Why can’t you take both kids in the bathroom. There is one huge handicap stall. We don’t have a family bathroom here. But it was a shame. The mother took five minutes to come out with her other child. Literally her child in the carriage could have been taken. Then she would blame the store saying “my baby, my baby!” If you can’t take care of your children properly don’t have any. Don’t take them out shopping. Kids will need to use the bathroom. Have a plan!

To the morons who think leaving a kid In a car is safe no it’s not. You take the child with you. Who cares if it’s for a second. They come with you! Children die from being trapped in a hot car. Car jackings happen, what it you went in a store and a freak accident, a random car comes out of no where and destroys your vehicle. All things that you can’t predict what will happen. It’s never safe. Think about your kids. Don’t be selfish.

Change for yourself

I don’t know I’m sick of hearing “new me, new attitude” because of a break up. If someone broke up with you because you weren’t good enough for them, or anything else like that. Then the problem lies within them not you. There’s nothing stop us to want to make ourselves better. I’m sure there is always room for improvement.

Just because my ex went and found another girl and who knows the exact reasons the excuse always changed. I’m not at fault. I’m not going to dye my hair, do this and that because of him. I’ll do what I need for myself but not because of him. Trying to be like the girl he left me for what would that do. I’m my own person, I have my own mind. I’m not going to copy someone. Whomever I choose to be with next well they have to love me with any faults I have. If you can’t love me with faults I may have you aren’t the one.
So while there’s nothing wrong with losing weight or changing your appearance and self inside don’t do it because someone made you feel worthless. Do it for yourself not because of self pity. That’s why I haven’t jumped Into anything different right after my break up. I knew the problem wasn’t me. I was good enough.
Just remember you are good enough. Never doubt yourself!

In the loop

Shoe strings laces.. Frayed laces. Bonds that don’t diminish maybe over time? Just seems like we can’t stop communicating.
Every other day there’s a message from him to me. It’s a high or a joke. Today information on his birthday this weekend. I wish him well.. He tells me exactly what he plans to do this weekend. He sent me pics of what he had posted online on fb. Screen shot it to me. So though he de friended me he still wanted me to see.
It’s as if you want me there but you’re unsure. It’s so crazy. I only know I’m further along in the whole grief process then him. While he’s still pining for whatever I’ve hit the acceptance phase. Which is why I can be cordial. I mean I’m puzzled by his actions but then again he wasn’t the cookie cutter type to begin with. I knew how habits and what not. I know him better..

It’s life it just happens

Just not going to go Into fate, destiny,irony etc. It’s all what you end up believing in. Right?

You can believe until your blue In the face that things will be ok. But deep down you’re suffering. You can hope every call or message from that person means they miss you. You may miss them, but they might just be holding you as an option.

How about the unfortunate events? A girl who moved on. She meets a great guy they mesh well. Then he gets sick. The girl who was exploring her seductive side and ends up in bed with a guy who hurts his manhood in the act. Just accidents and life. Can’t really say that someone or some force is keeping you from your destiny. That you weren’t suppose to sleep with this man so this happened. People read to much into things like that. We still must live like ourselves at the end of the night.

How about the ones who do so much wrong yet nothing happens to them.
We look to karma. We look for so much to happen with something, it’s like we need something to validate to prove that it happened for a reason. Bad luck or unfortunate events will happen anytime any place no matter what.